Terry Mosher 3

TERRY MOSHER

 

 

This is the time of year when we are supposed to have a good feeling for our fellow man (and woman) and do all the right things as we bear down on Christmas and Hanukkah (which started Dec. 16 and ends Dec.24). For Christians like me it’s a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and take a moment to be thankful for all that He has given us and forgiven us for our sins.

It is also a time to reflect on my life and look at aspects that weren’t so good. The top one is the death of my mother at the young age of 48 on May 21, 1953 when I was 19 days shy of my 13th birthday. Her death has impacted me all my life. I had 12 years after her death that I call my dark years when I didn’t seem to fit in and when I came close to death myself a few times.

Then as I sat her just now doing some editing and a little writing the music I’m listening to (I always write with music playing in the background) hit an emotional cord that led me to think of the two heartbreaks I had when I was too young to know better. I’m pretty sure you and millions of other people have equally had love heartbreaks as a young teenager. Its part of learning about life and figuring out what is good, what is bad, and what is unlucky.

My first heartbreak came when I was still in high school and my first love dropped me like a bad habit. She was on the East Coast and I was out here on the Left Coast, so the 3,000 miles separating us made it difficult to our love going. There is no question that given time she was going to find somebody else a lot closer. And she did.

It was a terrible heartbreak because my experience with her did something to me I have never experienced before and led me over the years to seek answers to what had happened. The very first time I saw her I experienced something come over me, starting at the top of my head and going down to me feet in stages of split seconds. Then an overwhelming sense of peace and love filled my soul.

Like I said, I have never experienced something so lovely since. I was smitten, and for the few weeks we had together in the next two summers when I visited back east were some of the best moments of my life. It was like we were meant for each other, and it wasn’t a physical attraction, although certainly that was part of it, but I felt she was part of me. We would hold hands and go for walks and do a lot of talking to each other, and that was about it. But it’s something I have never forgotten.

Sadly, the heartbreak came in a “Dear John” letter I received in the spring of my senior year. I knew instantly what it was without opening it up. I hid it in my dresser drawer under some clothes and left it there for weeks; figuring if didn’t read it the parting wouldn’t happen.

But one day I finally had to face the truth. I went up to my bedroom, opened he drawer and pulled the villain letter out. The letter contained my school ring that she had worn around her neck and the sad news that she had found somebody else. I don’t remember exactly what she wrote, and never will know because I have placed it in part of my memory bank that can’t be open without a key, and I mentally threw that away a long time ago.

I have not seen this person since that letter. I know she married her newly-found friend and they are still with each other.  I still think of her every once in a while, especially when I hear the type of sad music I’m listening to right now.

The second heartbreak was not as bad as the first one. This girl was a next-door neighbor when I was going to college, but was still in my dark years. She didn’t have the best family life and we used to listen to Hank Williams records and commiserate with each other about our sad lives.

This is a real sad story because she married another guy a few years after we first met, and then she developed MS.  She got the disease real bad and ended up spending about 20 years in a state institution being cared for.

When she died she was blind, couldn’t talk and lived strapped in a wheelchair during the day and at night was strapped in a bed. She was only 43 when she died in 1986. Her husband stayed married to her, but I believe he was living with another women. Then when my friend died, he married that woman.

I have never been able to wrap my head about the people who die young. I know we have free will, but sometimes I get real angry when somebody dies way before their time.  My young friend who died really had a terrible life. For what reason did she have to endure it?

I also have a niece who has had MS for nearly 40 years. She is stubborn. She continues to live in her own home, but needs 24-hour care. I admire her for fighting on, but to what end is this doing for her?  My oldest brother the other day said when she dies she will be immediately go to Heaven. So maybe that is the end result that was planned for her all along. But looking at it from a human perspective, it’s terrible, and a tough way to get quickly ushered into Heaven.

I’m listening to a collection of Pop Swam music from Louisiana and the sadness is overwhelming. The first song is Those Lonely, Lonely Nights by Earl King of Earl’s Pearls:

 

There’s been some lonely, lonely nights
Baby, yeah, since you’ve been gone
Laid my head on my pillow
How I cried all night long?

The things you used to say to me
I thought that we would never part
Yes, you know that I love you
Why did you break my heart?

If you would only come back home
And let me take you in my arms
Yes, you know i’d be so happy
I wouldn’t be so all alone

It’s been dark since you’ve been gone
Baby Please, Bring back the light
Baby Please, Come back home
And free me from these lonely nights”

 

Now there is Joe Barry wailing I’m a Fool To Care:

 

“I’m a fool to care

 

When you treat me this way

I know I love you

But what can I do

I’m a fool to care

 

I’m a fool to care

I’m a fool to cry

When you told me goodbye

You left me so blue

When you were untrue

I’m a fool to care

 

I know I should laugh

And call it a day

But I know I would cry

If you went away

I’m a fool to care

 

When you don’t care for me

So why should I pretend

I’ll lose in the end

I’m a fool to care

 

I’m a fool to care

When you care for me

So why should I pretend

I’ll lose in the end

I’m a fool to care.”

 

 

 

Cookie and the Cupcakes wrap up this sadness with Got You On My Mind:

 

 

I’ve got you on my mind, I’m feeling kind of sad and low.
Got you on my mind, feeling kind of sad and low.
I’m wondering where you are, wondering why you had to go.

Tears begin to fall every time I hear your name.
Tears begin to fall every time I hear your name.
But since you went away, nothing seems to be the same.

No matter how I try,
My heart just don’t see why
I can’t forget you.
If ever it should be
You want to come back to me,
You know I’d let you.

I’m wondering where you are, wondering why you had to go.
I’m wondering where you are, wondering why you had to go.

 

I didn’t mean to make you think back to your younger days and heartbreak and sadness. It’s the time of year for celebration and hope. So I hope you have a great Christmas and a great New Year. Take care.

Be well pal

Be careful out there

Have a great day

You are loved.